Highlights from Christmas 2005

I had a good time this year, mainly just chillin' with my Mom, my brother, and a cat who is the equivalent age of a 100-year-old human. Watched four movies in three days (Episode III, War of the Worlds, The Day After Tomorrow, and In Good Company), ate a lot of Mom's home cookin', played a lot of Pac-Man.

I was gratified that Bill was as pissed off and disappointed about the ending of WOTW as I was when I first saw it. I think the film still holds up as an interesting take on our post 9/11 paranoia, and the special effects are killer, but what the fuck is up with the cop-out ending? Day After Tomorrow was the dumbest movie I've seen for a while, but it has good intentions and the effects are cool (though I didn't buy for a minute--SPOILER ALERT!-- that those people in the NY Public Library could have survived). In Good Company was much better than I would have suspected from the lame promotion campaign. Nice choice, brother!

This Xmas wasn't about the gifts (it was all about The Love), but here are some highlights from the Season of Your Giving (and My Receiving). NOTE: This is not an attempt at a comprehensive list, so don't feel bad if I left your gift out.

from Dina:
Volumes 2 and 3 of The Complete Peanuts, an ambitious and comprehensive collection of the Charles Schulz comic strip. These volumes bring the series up to 1954, and the publisher's goal is to reprint every strip in chronological order, so clearly there are many volumes to come. I have been amazed at the publisher's recovery of these early strips, some of which were found in library collections of preserved newspapers (reproductions of microfiche files are not suitable for publication, apparently). In addition to its overwhelming historical importance, these volumes are beautifully designed by the artist Seth, complete with endpapers, slipcovers, and spine illustrations. My favorite feature of these books is the index in each volume, detailing the first appearance of all characters (some of whom, like the obnoxious Charlotte Braun, have been long forgotten in Peanuts lore), important themes and references, first spoken words by the characters, and so much more. These are beautiful books and are a wonderful tribute to the genius of Schulz and his immortal characters.

from Bill:
Plug It In and Play TV Games, featuring Ms. Pac-Man. This is one of those game units that doesn't require 5.1 Surround or even a hard drive, but does recreate the 80's arcade era faithfully in one's own home. This unit also features Pole Position (boring), Mappy (annoying), Galaga (awesome!), and Xevious (awesome & relatively challenging). Since receiving this prize, I've been re-mastering my 20-year-old skills at these games and wondering why anyone would need an XBox 360. Goodbye dissertation, hello 12th board!

from Mom:
Lots of love, and cheesy gifts, and home cookin'.

from Dad:
This wasn't a gift as much as a convenient space-clearing donation, but since my dad no longer owns a working turntable, he decided he no longer needed all the vinyl albums that have been gathering dust in his basement for the last few years, and let me have my way with them. I was excited by this since these were the albums that were primarily responsible for forming my musical tastes and preferences. Much of the collection consists of classic rock (Aerosmith, the Eagles, the Doobie Brothers, Creedence Clearwater Revival), but there is also a lot of 70's-era country (Charlie Rich, Olivia Newton-John) and soul (Booker T. & the MGs, Ray Charles) and pop trash (Eric Carmen, Tony Orlando & Dawn, Three Dog Night). I was surprised to find how many of these records I had already, perhaps unconsciously, purchased on CD. At least a third of my own collection must be devoted to recovering the music I became familiar with as a kid. But there was a lot of music in my dad's collection I had (willingly or no) forgotten about, and I've been spending the last few days going through it and evoking memories of a lonely childhood spent watching the orbits of black vinyl and looking at provocative album photos of the woman who would later become known as Sandra Dee. Sigh.

from Stefan:
My former colleague at Bowling Green, Stefan sent a package consisting of a Luke Skywalker coffee mug and a large "puffy" Britney Spears sticker. Does this guy know me or what? Stefan is a savvy thrift-store shopper and has found many treasures for me over the last few months, including a stuffed Hulk doll (which resides in the backseat of my car, to ward away potential thieves and ride-seeking freeloaders), a Star Wars address book, and a Padme Amidala Xmas-tree ornament. His gifts are always cheap, yet eminently cheerful.

from me:
I didn't think I would ever find this, but while roaming the aisles of The Bookshelf--Ogden, Utah's finest used bookstore--I came across the Red Son Superman action figure, a glorious reproduction of the Soviet champion (from an alternate-reality mini-series in which Kal-El's spacefaring manger crash lands in the USSR rather than Smallville, Kansas). The figure comes with a Soviet flagpole, perfect for heroic planting on the upper domes of the Kremlin. I just couldn't pass this up, especially since there are no venues for action figure purchasing/admiring in Southern Utah.

from the Nielsen Family Christmas Party:
Compliments of Bill Wegener, real estate agent, a calculator with a big-ass keypad and flip-up display. No more entering numbers with a pencil eraser! These buttons are perfect for my plus-size fingies, and I didn't have to "liberate" it from a financial aid office.

from Dennis:
An inheritance, rather than a gift. These vintage poster babes will hold a place of honor in my workroom.

Hope your Christmas was equally rewarding. Chazzbot will be happy to accept additional gifts into the New Year, FYI.

Favorite Music of 2005

I just got my year-end issue of Spin in the mail today, which means I can begin compiling the lists of best albums and songs of the year from the music magazines I read and determine what I may have missed that was worth hearing this year. It also means I can reassess why I read so many of these magazines when so few of them actually say anything different from the others.

I probably won't see the year-end polls from my favorite U.K. mags for a few more weeks, but here's a preliminary list of the albums (and some songs) that topped the polls from some of the major magazines (listed in order of my agreement with them):

Sleater-Kinney: The Woods (ranked #1 by Magnet)
If this band has ever made a record that wasn't worth hearing, I haven't heard it. They have already broken one of the primary laws of rock & roll (a law developed and preached to me by my friend Brock)--no band, other than maybe the Beatles, has made more than three absolutely essential and repeat-listenable full-length albums in a row during their career--and they show no signs of getting old and/or boring. This is a shit hot record from one of the best bands in the U.S.

Fiona Apple: Extraordinary Machine (ranked #1 by Entertainment Weekly)
I wrote about a song from this album earlier this year on the blog, but since then this album has really grown on me in ways I hadn't expected. In fact, I didn't really have high expectations for this record since it had been released after an almost 6-year delay and a dreaded "reworking" initiated by the artist's label, Epic. But Ms. Apple is in full form here and is no longer the whiny, insecure teen you may remember (though she may still hold some bitterness over certain relationships).

M.I.A.: Arular (ranked #1 by Blender)
I've only heard a few cuts from this album, and they sound like nothing else I've heard recently. This warrants further investigation.

Kanye West: Late Registration (ranked #1 by both Spin and Rolling Stone)
I'm more partial to OutKast than this dude, but he is bringing the freshness to both hip-hop and R&B, two genres that really need some help. I haven't heard much from this album either, other than "Gold Digger" (which I find hilarious).

The Arcade Fire: Funeral (ranked #1 by Uncut)
Technically, this was released in 2004 in the U.S., but not until this year in the U.K. I thought this was very nicely done, but not an album that demanded a lot of repeat plays.

Ry Cooder: Chavez Ravine (ranked #1 by No Depression)
I haven't heard anything off this album, but the concept appeals to me (an homage to a Latino Los Angeles neighborhood), as does the artist's earlier work. But I guess at least one of the points of these year-end lists is to bring albums like this to the attention of chronic music consumers like myself, so I'll have to get back to you on this one.

As for my own best of 2005 list, I'm still thinking about the rankings, but here are some of the contenders for my short list:

Ryan Adams & the Cardinals: Cold Roses
Bruce Springsteen: Devils and Dust
Beck: Guero
LCD Soundsystem
Bright Eyes: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
Kaiser Chiefs: Employment
Spoon: Gimme Fiction
The Decemberists: Picaresque

I'm also putting together a list of my favorite songs of the year, a much less respectable and pop-trashy list than my list of albums. More on that later.

First Prize??? 

Pathetic Christmas

I'm sure most people who read this blog are familiar with A Charlie Brown Christmas, the 1965 television production that has become a welcome holiday perennial. Even God-hating atheists like me can overlook the cloying sentimentality of the show's message because it is presented honestly, charmingly, and simply. Plus the show features what IMHO is perhaps the greatest original Christmas music ever composed, and some of the only holiday music I have never grown tired of hearing.

One of the major themes of the show, in addition to reinforcing the Christian aspects of the holiday, is Charlie Brown's disillusionment over the commercialization of the season, a capitalist cancer that even affects his dog. As a means of fighting this monopolization of what is ostensibly a holiday celebrating the birth of the Messiah, Charlie befriends a limp, lonely little tree that needs love.

Leave it to the cynical minds at Urban Outfitters to capitalize on the lovely sentiments expressed by Charlie Brown. Yes, now you too can own your very own pathetic Christmas tree, and, as the advertising copy boldly states in what one can only hope is misguided irony, "learn the true meaning of Christmas." And whereas the beloved Peanuts characters learned the meaning of Christmas at relatively little cost to themselves, Urban Outfitters will charge you $24 for the privilege.

And just to add insult to irony, this lovely item is "imported," which probably means that Asian workers being paid slave wages have lovingly crafted this object d'art sometime during their 18-hour workday. No Christmas holiday for you, you godless fiends!

This is the kind of cynical bullshit that makes this holiday (at least as it is practiced in most of America) seem so pointless.

I'll try to be less cranky in my next post, which will probably be my last before I leave to join my mom and brother for the next week.

2005: The Continuing Crisis

Not sure which crisis is the most significant of the year? Here are some to consider:

Scientists and science-fearing politicians continue to bicker over semantics (Was 2005 the hottest year ever or only the second hottest? Discuss!) while the planet continues to melt. Some estimates suggest that most of the surface permafrost of the Northern Hemisphere will thaw by 2100.

Time Magazine sez, "Hooray for multi-millionaires!" U2 lead singer Bono and his rich chums Bill & Melinda Gates have been selected as Time's Persons of the Year. Wouldn't it be great if everyone made a living wage and could afford the time and effort to crusade for human rights in between one's rock concert obligations? Maybe if we could all afford to feed ourselves in this country without working three jobs or going into massive credit card debt, we could be humanitarians, too! Maybe if our politicians were more concerned with the living conditions of their constituents rather than preserving fundamentalist notions of morality, we'd all work toward a useful form of government! Or maybe the editors of Time Magazine should just go fuck themselves!

My nomination: the displaced citizens of New Orleans and surrounding areas, many of whom are still homeless.

I was ready to take The West Wing off my regular TV viewing checklist after last season's exercise in dumbing down politics and dialogue ("The president's daughter has been kidnapped! Call John Goodman!"). But this season's emphasis on a new presidential campaign between two charismatic actors (Jimmy "Save Our Franchise" Smits and Alan "Sensitivity" Alda) has renewed my faith in the show. But the recent death of John Spencer has called the fate of the program (due for cancellation at the end of this season anyway) back into question.

On a somewhat more optimistic note, here is yet another reason to pay for satellite radio.

Like Unto the Sausage

I've been meaning to post new links on Chazzbot for quite some time, and since I seem to be in a frenzy of mad posting today, you will find the new links to your left (unless you're reading this in Australia, where laptop screens are positioned vertically. Look up, Australia!).

Some brief introductions are probably in order here:

Both Indelible Soul and Talking to the Walls are journal blogs written by people who have posted comments to some of my rantings. Neither of the two blogs are updated nearly as often as they should be, but I suppose I'm the last person who should be complaining about that. But let me send along my polite urging to both of these bloghosts to stop smoking so much crack and to spend less time with your "TV friends." The blogosphere needs you!

The Pluto-Kuiper Belt Mission is quickly approaching its launch window for January and a new site has been created to post press releases and updates. I'm the only person I know who is totally geeked about this mission--they're sending a probe to fucking Pluto, for chrissakes!--but I think more people would be excited about this if they only knew the U.S. government was spending valuable taxpayer dollars on something besides guns and bodybags and Cheney's bunkers.

Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin is the funniest goddamn blog I've ever seen about comics and the people (OK, mostly men) who love them. This dude runs his own comic shop and has a keen eye for the amount of crap foisted on innocent comic buyers.

I don't know Dave Kehr, and he's never posted a comment on Chazzbot, but he writes excellent film reviews.

If you'd like your blog listed on Chazzbot, just leave a snarky comment to one of my posts. You, too, can join the ranks of the proud!

Christmas with the Crank

I'm more excited than usual for Christmas this year, mostly because I get to see this guy and spend some quality time laying around my mom's house and sending her on errands while we take over her media center (and I use the term loosely) and watch butt-numbing political films like Nixon.

Seriously, I haven't spent more than a day or so at a time with this dude for at least a couple years, so we should have many good times to catch up on. I've already made this huge list of movies we need to watch together and books I need to harangue him into reading.

The movie line-up so far consists of:
Nixon
War of the Worlds (the Scientology version)
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
and several yet-to-be-determined "crap thrillers."

I'm thinking this may be the Best Christmas Ever.

This Shit Is Bananas!

In light of King Kong's "disappointing" opening weekend ($66 million ain't exactly chump change, unless you spent $200 million to make your movie--DOH!), I've decided to take further steps to convince more people to go see this wonderful film. But rather than listen to me go on about it again, I'd like you to welcome Chazzbot's first guest columnist, Stefan.

Stefan is a colleague and drinking partner of mine from Bowling Green who knows more than you about film. In an e-mail exchange last week, we were trying to persuade another of our BG colleagues, Lisa, to go see the film, and I thought Stefan's comments were particularly enlightening (and not just because he agrees with me).

Let us now ponder Stefan's wisdom:

I went to see King Kong yesterday after having rewatched the original Tuesday night. As a kid, my memories are more about the dinosaurs and wondering what other creatures might have lived on the island than most of the other stuff. I guess my stop-motion memories are more Harryhausen oriented.

Anyhow, I found the remake to be very good, although not stark raving wonderful like critics have been falling all over themselves to say. There were many homages to the original film, including a couple of scenes where the now-outdated dialogue of the original is spoofed and another scene making fun of the depiction of the original's racially charged natives. I found this sort of updating well integrated into the new version and not very distracting, so that made for a well done screenplay, plus if you have no familiarity with the original you may miss it altogether. I agree with Charlie that the island natives were a little too "leftover orc" mixed with a devolved sort of paganism, which in the context of the island being a lost, fragmented civilization it makes sense, but Jackson et al I think went out of their way to be more racially sensitive even if the minority characters did eventually all die (I truly half-expected the black first mate to live because he kept his wits about him when everyone else was going bonkers).

Naomi Watts gave a wonderful performance and for me was perhaps the best part of the film. The fact that she was doing this against a green screen with either no actors or motion capture guys is even more impressive. Jack Black was okay, but a tad too restrained for me, and Adrian Brody's character of Jack Driscoll the writer seemed problematic in the way he was written (how postmodern). Anyhow, Watts emoted and made Kong a more "real" character for me. So on to the digital effects, which were very good, although not as amazing as some people have made out. Yes, Kong is impressive, but certain things here and there could have used some more work (I doubt that the vast majority of the viewing public will notice this). Keep your eyes peeled for Jackson and fellow director Frank Darabont as airplane gunners. Anyhow, back to the digital effects: I would like to put a moritorium on digital waterfalls in cinema for the rest of the 21st century (for introducing them, I blame George Lucas). Also, I was in the same screening room where we all saw SW: Ep III, and I had to complain about the same sound issues (channels dropping out, popping) to the management, who looked completely bored that I was asking them to check into some problems. It's so hard to get good help these days.

It's a 3 hour film, but it doesn't feel that long at all, which I'll also chalk up to a good script and some decent editing. I will second Charlie's suggestion to see it on as big a screen as possible (and preferably one with nice, cushy seating). SH

There you have it, folks. Now that so many people are enjoying vacation time, there should be little excuse not to spare 3 of your Earth hours to check out the wonders of King Kong.

10 Songs I Should Have Listened to More Often in the 1990's

Apparently the latest get-rich-quick scheme in publishing is to put out a book of song lists suitable for iPod owners who don't know what they like to listen to or, worse, want other people to tell them what they should be listening to. I'm all for music recommendations (check out any of my last few entries), but how many of these kind of books do we really need?

But, hey, if someone wants to pay me to put together a list of songs in different genres, or songs appropriate for certain moods and times (I could make you a killer mix of songs to play in urban traffic--now testify!), or RIYL lists, or even a daily record of the top 5 songs in my head when I wake up in the morning, gimme a call! (As any reader of this blog should know, I aim for the least amount of work with the greatest amount of reward possible. And in this I am not unlike Nobel Prize-winning authors like William Faulkner or Ernest Hemingway, no?)

In the meantime, I present the first in what may be a series of such lists--completely random and probably pointless--for those of you who selfishly enjoy your iPods without stopping to think that you should really buy one for ME, who knows more good music than you will ever be able to fit into your 40GB (or however much memory those things have).

First, a little backstory. After a long spell of dormancy in a lonely storage unit in Layton, Utah, my disturbingly large collection of music magazines (going back to the mid-1980's) is now slowly being unpacked, sorted, and documented. The best part of going through these old rags is reading the record reviews and re-entering the cultural zeitgeist of, say, October 1997. As I read through these things, I am sometimes reminded of records I was persuaded to buy, records I should never have offered money for, and songs from those records that I really should have paid more attention to at the time. You know, in order to seem hip and sound like I knew something about what people should be listening to (note: I am being sarcastic here).

So let me now present my (first) list of ten songs that I should have listened to more often in the 1990's (other lists may follow as I get further into the boxes that hold the magazines from the 1980's--can you stand the suspense?). In the spirit of those craptacular iPod songlist guides, I will offer absolutely no contextual information (other than the year of release, because I'm obsessive that way) or commentary on my choices (other than what I just wrote). Because you need my guidance and, really, how much can you know about music, anyway? (note: no sarcasm here)

These, then, are songs that I came to love well after their initial release, or songs that I had prematurely dismissed upon first listen, only to be reminded of their charms after re-reading album reviews from the aforementioned collection of music magazines. Because sometimes I--yes, I, Gandalf the Grey--need someone to tell me what I should be listening to.

Oh, and these are also in no particular order whatsoever. But see if you can guess which year of magazines I started going through first!

• Bjork: "5 Years" (1997)
• Belle & Sebastian: "Get Me Away from Here" (1997)
• Buena Vista Social Club: "Chan Chan" (1997)
• Oasis: "Stay Young" (1997)
• The Breeders: "Do You Love Me Now?" (1993)
• Freedy Johnston: "The Lucky One" (1992)
• Supergrass: "Richard III" (1997)
• Johnny Cash: "The Kneeling Drunkard's Plea" (1996)
• Everclear: "Local God" (1996)
• Radiohead: "Talk Show Host" (1996)

There is one fairly decent iPod book I've been reading, but in addition to a bunch of completely subjective song lists, the author provides a short history of the iPod's development and, best of all, offers his amusingly OCD-like personal history of his obsession with songs. Well worth checking out, even if you already know what kind of music you like.

Coming soon: my favorite songs of 2005.

Behold, the Dreamer 

The Monkey Speaks His Mind

Peter Jackson, I will never doubt you again. I didn't think anyone could pull off a reasonably loyal (or comprehensible) adaptation of Lord of the Rings, but you managed to do that and win the attention of geek-fearing Hollywood at the same time. And I never thought anyone would be able to remake such an inherently geeky movie like King Kong and actually make me think the original could or should be improved.

It's been a long time since I've had as much stupid fun at a movie as I did at Kong. The only comparisons I can think of are Jurassic Park (full of dinosaurs eating people), Raiders of the Lost Ark (a movie I knew little about when I walked in the theatre to see it for the first time, but was completely blown away by), and, of course, Star Wars (I'm talking here about the primal experience of seeing it as a 10-year-old).

Kong is a movie I loved as a kid, and Jackson's remake is a movie I would have loved as a kid, but that I love even more as an adult for making me feel like a kid.

Besides the enormously pleasurable screentime devoted to dinosaur stampedes, three-way T-Rex fights, giant head-sucking maggots, and a giant fucking ape towering above a 1930's New York City skyline, the film is also beautifully shot. Many of the shots in the film involve long close-ups of Naomi Watts as she gazes in wonder, terror, or confusion at the natural spectacle surrounding her, and that certainly doesn't hurt. Many of the other shots are devoted to the unbelievably expressive face and body of Kong himself, and, unlike many current CGI-heavy films of the past few years, there were almost no points in the film where I said to myself, "That looks fake" or "Real living creatures don't move like that."

The film isn't perfect, though. One of the film's set pieces is the aforementioned three-way between Kong and some of his T-Rex chums, and the hopelessly frenetic speed of the fight made some of the effects seem blurry or rushed. I also could have done without the jigaboo natives on Skull Island, who resemble nothing so much as potential cousins of the fighting Uruk-Hai. And I've yet to be convinced that Jack Black is ready for anything approaching dramatic acting, though the audience at the screening I attended seemed to be in love with his every smirk and sarcastic line.

Aside from these minor annoyances, Kong represents nearly everything I have loved about movies since I was a pre-pubescent doofus staying up late to watch Creature Features on Friday nights.

I was surprised that Kong is a more subdued portrait of a giant ape this time out. Jackson is definitely reaching for the sentimental members of the crowd, but his ape is interesting to watch, and not just because he likes to punch dinosaurs and swat biplanes. Andy Serkis is rightly given prominent placement in the cast credits as the performer behind Kong; his ape fulfills the CGI promise of flesh-and-blood characters that Gollum initiated, and, like Gollum, Kong is allowed to become more than just an object of the audience's bemusement and invokes the viewer's senses of empathy, delight, and respect.

This is the kind of movie that deserves a theatrical presentation and will only be diminished on DVD. It needs to be seen in the dark on a big white screen, all the better for the viewer to fall into this amazingly detailed and appealing world. What a great fucking movie.

25 Years

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.

I'll say it again.

God is a concept
by which we measure
our
pain.

The dream is over.
What can I say?

The dream is over,
yesterday.

I was the dream weaver,
but now
I'm reborn.

I was the Walrus,
but now I'm John.

And so, dear friends,
you'll just have to carry on.

The dream is over.