Oh, Look! A Rant! About Comics!

I recently received this purchasing suggestion from Amazon:

Chazzbot,
We've noticed that customers who have purchased or rated books by Bill Watterson have also purchased Garfield Fat Cat 3-Pack: A Triple Helping of Classic GARFIELD Humor Vol 3 by Jim Davis.

I ask you, in all seriousness, would any self-respecting fan of Calvin & Hobbes actually purchase a Garfield collection? I want Amazon to tell me who these people are so I can slowly gouge out their eyes.

This is probably the exact kind of thinking that prompted Watterson to quit comic strips in the first place! Go on. Read any single strip of Calvin & Hobbes, and I guarantee you that it will contain more imagination, wit, and creativity than pretty much the entire collected works of "Jim Davis" (now best recognized as a corporate entity rather than a "creator").

Not to mention that Garfield has been licensed and merchandized to the extent that the franchise (It's no longer appropriate or logical to call Garfield a "character". Characters, by definition, represent life, and there has not been any life in that tired strip for years.) represents basically everything that Watterson strived to avoid--over-commercialization and the loss of appreciation for the strip from which the character(s) originated. Check out the official website of "Garfield and Friends" if you don't believe me. There isn't a comic strip in sight, but there are cartoon representations of the legal and licensing entities for the property. And flashing exhortations to "pick a product." 'Nuff said.

On the day Calvin & Hobbes left the comic pages, I knew that particular section of the newspaper would never again be as engaging or charming or poignant. On the day Garfield leaves the comic pages, an event only feasible if the hordes of lawyers and commercial interestes protecting the franchise are simultaneously decapitated (and preferably maimed), I will cheer.

In short, Garfield represents everything that is wrong with modern comic strips. Calvin & Hobbes, on the other hand, represents everything comic strips are capable of, everything they could be if entities like Garfield, or Blondie, or Beetle Bailey, or B.C., or any of the other humourless, soul-sucking franchises that clutter the funny pages didn't exist. Remember the last time you laughed at one of those comic strips? Me neither, bub.

I am generally one of those people who become highly annoyed whenever I see one of those Calvin decals on some truck or SUV (and I have only seen them on trucks or SUVs) that depict Calvin pissing on a Ford logo, or a team logo, or, my favorite, kneeling in prayer. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? (It should be noted that Bill Watterson has never licensed any Calvin or Hobbes merchandise.) But I would be willing to risk a potential lawsuit and possibly even drive a truck if I could find a decal of Calvin pissing on Garfield's fat face.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. Fucking cat.