Meh. Why Not?

Via Billville via docsrock. Again, yes.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
The mortgage. So I am officially old now.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
A romantic dinner? What, with candles and mood music? We don't go for that kind of thing here in Enoch. You're from out of town, ain'tcha?

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
I don't remember anymore. Now I'm more likely to get a bad bout of diarrhea. (Hey, you asked.)

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
You crazy kids with your questions. At this point, I'm most likely to get drunk and call the person dancing on the bar a douchebag.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Was it Mrs. Gilmore? No, I think I had her for 3rd grade. I do remember that she let me read to the class, because I was so bored.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Sending in my final grades and being done with the semester.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
In a different home.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
As a student? Going on three.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was next up in the rotation, and I didn't think anyone would see me in it today.

10. GAS PRICES?
Don't expect them to go down until you change your lifestyle. I'm talking to you, Hummer drivers.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
Fairbanks, Alaska, with the missus, to watch the world die.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I usually wake up before the alarm and wonder why the radio only comes in when I move away from it.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"This article is boring."

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Form-fitting.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Spaghetti straps and/or buttons.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Sorting the newspapers. Don't judge me.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
I do a lot of work with unwed mothers.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Get up early and finish reading whatever I fell asleep to the night before, unless it was boring.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bullwinkle.

20. Favorite nonsexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Argue about art.

21. Have you found real love yet?
Real is love.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
When I started teaching students who didn't grow up with Star Wars.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
Better Off Dead.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Roast beast.

25. What do you get every time you go into Sam's Club?
I don't shop at Sam's Club, but I usually pick up a book or two when I visit CostCo.

26. Beach or lake?
You're more likely to step on something interesting at the beach.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Only after the first ten years.

28. How many people do you stalk on livejournal?
I'm too fond of the one person I know on livejournal to stalk her.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Superhero comics.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I don't know the name of it. It's a Japanese monster movie involving giant robots (not the Transformers, punk).

31. What's your drink?
Micah has turned me on to Scotch. Neat.

32. This question appears to be missing.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Whoever is being oppressed at the moment.

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
There was a girl I worked with on the newspaper who tried to ask me out to the prom. I always wondered what happened to her and if she ever raised her standards.

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
XM Channel 47: Ethel

36. Norm or Cliff?
Cliff. He was in The Empire Strikes Back.

37. The Cosby Show or The Simpsons?
Dude.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I made a girl who was getting clutchy think that I hated her.

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
I like her fine, but her friends are fucking obnoxious. Blah blabbity blah.

40. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
One life for 3,377 seems fair to me.

41. What famous person(s) would you like to party with?
I'd like to follow Courtney Love around for a day and she what kind of shit she gets into.

42. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
What's in it for me?

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
If its intended purpose is as a propellant, then yes.

44. Last book you read for real?
For real? It's so hard to distinguish from the books I only imagine I've read.
I got about halfway into W.G. Sebald's Austerlitz before I "got it" and had to start over again.

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
No, I have a tiger pillow.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In a cave on Brontitol.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I've always wondered what those douchebags in Hollywood do all day. But seriously, I'd like to check out this place.

48. Do you go to church?
No, I let the Utah Legislature bring church to me.

49. At this point in your life, would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
I'd like to give full-time writing a try, if only I could assure myself that I wouldn't spend my entire day answering questionnaires like this.

50. Just how old are you?
Waving my thirties goodbye.