Notice! Notice! Notice!

When I was in my graduate program at Bowling Green State University, I rented a one-room apartment close to the campus. The apartment complex was populated by a mix of students and relatively low-income workers, which made for some interesting encounters in the hallways.

The management of the complex was overseen by the daughter of the owner of the rental agency, who herself lived next door to me. On occasion, I would come back to the apartment to find some memo or notice placed on my door, usually in regard to some change in policy by the rental agency. Once, I received a notice warning not to place any bills in the outgoing mail, as someone had been opening said mail and stealing account information from checks and invoices. Fun!

Perhaps the most memorable notice came when the rental agency experienced some major property damage. I found the grammar and phrasing of the notice so pathetically amusing that I kept it with my mementos from Bowling Green and I now reproduce it here for your own enjoyment. I have not changed any of the wording or punctuation from the original memo, other than to remove identifying details.

NOTICE! NOTICE! NOTICE!

WE HAVE SOME VERY SAD NEWS. THE RENTAL
OFFICE CAUGHT ON FIRE TODAY (8/27/03) AND
EVERYTHING WAS LOST THAT WE KNOW OF.
PLEASE KNOW THAT RENT IS STILL DUE ON
THE FIRST AS OF RIGHT NOW. HOWEVER ALL
RENT CHECKS NEED TO BE BROUGHT TO ***
NAPOLEON ROAD APARTMENT ***, THAT
ALSO INCLUDES MAINTANCE REQUEST OR ANY
OTHER PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE TILL WE
GET THINGS FIGURED OUT. TO GET A HOLD OF
ME MY HOME NUMBER IS ***-***-**** IF I AM
NOT HOME PLEASE LEAVE ME A MESSAGE OR
A MESSAGE WITH MY HUSBAND AND I WILL
TAKE CARE OF IT WHEN I GET HOME.
MAINTANCE EMERGENCY CALL THE HOME
NUMBER FIRST BUT IF I AM NOT HOME PLEASE
CALL MY CELL AT ***-***-****. ALSO, WHEN
YOU BRING ME YOUR CHECKS IF YOU COULD
PUT YOUR PHONE NUMBER ON THERE THAT
WOULD BE GREAT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ALL
THAT STUFF IS GONE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR
UNDERSTANDING.

THANKS AGAIN,

******* MANAGEMENT